Brian: My wife helped intensify my religion.”

Pete: Really?

Brian: Yes. Until I married her I didn’t believe in hell.

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Love is grand; divorce is fifty grand.

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A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that,… is the beginning of a new argument!

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Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her hand-written instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”

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A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I? ” Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?” “WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognise me.”