Life’s Reflections

1. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

2. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

3. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

4. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

5. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

6. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

7. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.