Vacationing Golfer ——————

A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play.

On the first tee, the golfer mis-hit his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par.

The man turned to his caddie and said, “Well, I have never played this badly before!”

To which the caddie replied, “I didn’t realize you had played before, sir.”

================= Golf In Heaven

Bart and Art have been a twosome on the links every day since they’ve been retired. One day, as they’re putting on their golf shoes in the clubhouse, they get into a conversation about heaven and whether there are any golf courses there. They make a pact. The first one to die will come back and tell the other one. Bart dies first, and sure enough, comes back to visit Art.

Art says, “Well are there any golf courses in heaven?”

“I have good news and I have bad news,” says Bart.

“We have the ultimate golf course in the sky and tournament which starts tomorrow.”

“So what’s the bad news?”

“You’re my partner!”

============== Golf

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” wheezed a second. “And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember ’em too,” said the third.

Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old, piped up and said, “Oh my friends, just be thankful we’re still on THIS side of the grass!”

================= Steve Wonder’s Golf Game

Steve Wonder and Tiger Woods cross paths at a popular meeting place. Woods turns to Wonder and asks, “How’s the singing career going?” Steve Wonder replies, “Not too bad! How’s the golf?” Tiger Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”

Steve Wonder says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”

Tiger Woods says, “You play golf?”

Steve Wonder says, “Oh, yes, I’ve been playing for years.”

And Tiger Woods asks, “But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you’re blind?”

Steve Wonder replies, “I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”

“But, how do you putt” asks Tiger Woods.

“Well,” replies Steve Wonder, “I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hold and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”

Tiger Woods then asks, “What’s your handicap?”

Steve Wonder says, “Well, I’m a scratch golfer.”

Tiger Woods, incredulous, says to Steve Wonder, “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”

Steve Wonder replies, “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less then $10,000 a hold.”

Tiger Woods thinks about it and says, “OK, I’m game for that. When would you like to play?”

Steve Wonder says,

“Pick a night!”