The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. –Helen Hayes (at 73)

Who ever thought up the word “Mammogram”? Every time I hear it, I think -I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. –Jan King

A few weeks after my [breast cancer] surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog grabbed it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling “Hey, come back here with my breast!” –Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. –Lily Tomlin

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It’s plucking your eyebrows. That’s how I originally got pierced ears. –Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.–Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. –Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. –Erma Bombeck

Old age ain’t no place for sissies. –Bette Davis

A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. –Rhonda Hansome

The phrase “working mother” is redundant. –Jane Sellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. –Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. –Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. –Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. –Jennifer Unlimited

If you can’t be a good example,then you’ll just have to serve as a horrible warning. –Catherine Aird

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss… and they called ME slow! –Kathy Buckley

Behind every successful woman…is a substantial amount of coffee. –Stephanie Piro

Behind every successful woman…is a basket of dirty laundry. –Sally Forth

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand

10. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. FAT CLOTHES.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:

1. OTHER WOMEN!