[From misc.creativity, and massively cross-posted to alt.gossip.celebrities and other assorted irrelevant newsgroups].

Whilst I was traveling across the country (That’s where I’ve been the past few days, if anywon (1) was wondering.), I stopped at a restaurant (Spelling? thanks). I was seated at my table with the rest of our party, patiently waiting to be served. I ordered, and began drawing on my placemat like I always do, and while waiting for my food (a cobb salad, chicken fingers, french fries, and a side of mash potatoes with extra gravy) to arrive I noticed a sign advertising their delicious, fresh pies. (Yumm!)

And then, this is the good part, I got an idea! What’s the best part of any meal, at a restaurant? I’ll tell you. Pie! Who doesn’t like to finish off every meal with a hot, scrummie slice of homade pie?! Whipped cream? Yes, please. Well, here’s where my idea comes in. Every table should be equipped with a “Pie light”. A pie light is a device that alerts the server, wherever she may be, that you would like to order pie. Cause you can never git a hold of her when you want pie. They assume you’re done after you’ve ordered, eaten, and received a refill on your drink. This always gits my goat. I still want to order pie. So just press your “Pie Light” button, and then the pie light comes on, and the server is alerted somehow, like with a beeper (maybe even shocked). She looks which table has their “Pie light” on, and comes to git them their pie. Is this a good idea or what? I like nuts. I would like to press the “pie light” and receive my pie right away. Some people may prefer to have the server come to the table to ask you what kind of pie you want. Not me, I want pie and I want it now. Bring me whatever you want! I am not particular when it comes to pie. Come on, is anywon? Maybe there should be TWO different pie lights. Won to tell her, “Come here, I would like to order some pie”, and another light that just says, “PIE NOW. ANY PIE.” I love pie! Maybe won light is enough. (You tell me.) It could blink or something if you want it “a la mode”. Or a different colour light could come on if you are allergic to nuts. I think a siren should go off after you’ve ordered the Won hundredth pie, and you git it free. We can come up with several ideas. We’ll work on it. Pie light! Its my idea, and I think this is good! Who’s with me???? I even eat the crusts.

I love you all. I love the world!

Love always and forever and ever, Wavy G.

[Then… after several responses commending the idea…]

Huh? Wait a minute. I am confused. You’re not angry? You’re not going to “plonk” me? You’re not the least bit irritated or offended because this has nothing to do with “X-Files”, or crocheting, or whatever the topic of discussion is in your newsgroup? You actually *liked* something I, the “Wavy G”, have to say??? I…I don’t really know how to take this. Gosh, I just don’t get it. How do you come back to something like this? No training I have received can prepare me for a response like this. For the first time in my short, meaningless life, I can truly say…I am speechless.

Somewon do me a favour, and turn on the local news to see if there is a call for fluries, in HELL.

tHANKS. lOVE, wAVY.