Received from Poor Innocent Guy Bernard of Sennett, New York:

Church Message Boards

You are not too bad to come in; You are not too good to stay out.

Come in and have your faith lifted.

Come in and let us prepare you for your finals.

A miser is a rich pauper.

Ask about our pray-as-you-go plan.

We hold sit-in demonstrations every Sunday.

No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won’t get better.

Start living to beat hell.

If some people lived up to their ideals they would be stooping.

Everything you always wanted to know about heaven and hell but were afraid to ask.

Pray up in advance.

Patience is the ability to stand something as long as it happens to the other fellow.

[at an Arizona church in August] You think it’s hot HERE?

What on earth are you doing for heaven’s sake?

Will it take six strong pall-bearers to bring you back?

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.

Fight truth decay. . .study the Bible daily.

Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?

Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.

Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.

It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.

Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.

If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

This is a ch__ch. What is missing?

It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

K-mart is not the only saving place.

If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.