A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. “Oh, it was very disappointing,” he said. “I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.”

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The doctor was examining the trick knee of his pretty young patient when he said, “What’s a joint like this doing in a nice girl like you?”

A doctor said to his patient, “Well, your leg is swollen, but I wouldn’t worry about it.” The patient replied, “No, and if your leg were swollen I wouldn’t worry about it either.”

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A man kept going to the eye doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. He said, “Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.” So the patient said, “But I love tea.” The doctor replied, “Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.”

An attractive young woman who had just had surgery performed on her asked the doctor, “Will the scar show?” The doctor replied, “That’s entirely up to you.”

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A man tells his doctor his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, “Cure it? I want to prolong it.”

A young medical student was called to the dean’s office. “Son,” he advised, “You’re doing pretty well here at school, but you must learn to write less clearly.”

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Patient: Well, Doc, you sure kept your promise. You said I’d be walking in a month and you were right. I had to sell my car to pay your bill.”

Two boys were trying to outdo each other. The first said, “My uncle is a doctor. I can be sick for nothing.” The second youngster said, “Big deal! My uncle is a preacher. I can be good for nothing.”

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A doctor had been attending a rich old man, but it became apparent the old guy had not long to live. So he asked if his affairs were in order. The old gentleman replies,”Oh, yes. And do you know what I’m going to do with all my money? I’m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”