Playing the stock market offers you a lot of exercise….running scared, lifting your hopes, and pressing your luck. ……..

Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money. ……..

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the wife exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!” The husband replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.” ……..

A Scotsman won the lottery….yet had a very long face. When asked why, he replied, “Aye, it grieves me to think of the dollar I wasted on the second ticket.” ……..

A Scotsman complained to a magazine that if they didn’t stop printing Scottish jokes, he wouldn’t borrow their magazine to read anymore. ……..

Innkeeper: The room is $20. a night. It’s $7. if you make your own bed. Guest: I’ll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood. ……..

Life Insurance Agent: Don’t let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think