The doors are never locked, the Call to Worship is ,”Y’all come on in,” folks mumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark, and the Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to take up the offering” and five guys stand up;

The restroom is outside, opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday, and a member requests to be buried in his four- wheel drive truck because he ain’t never been in a hole his truck couldn’t get him out of;

In the annual stewardship drive, there is at least one pledge of two calves, never in its entire 100-year history has any pastor had to buy meat or vegetables, everybody smiles when it rains, and prayers about the weather are part of every worship service;

There’s a singing group known as “The O.K. Chorale,” the church directory doesn’t need last names, the pastor wears boots, four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday, the only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer – and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash, and there is no such thing as anybody having a “secret” sin;

Baptism is referred to as “branding,” there is a fund-raiser for a new septic tank, finding and returning lost livestock is not just a parable, you miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health, high notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling, and members wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish. 1

1. from GvGodGlory & Andychap

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A 100 year-old man was driving down the freeway, when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!”

“Heck,” said Herman, “it’s not just one car going the wrong way, I’m the only one who’s going the right way.” 2

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The three times most people are in church are when they are hatched, matched, and dispatched. 1

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong. 2

If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has. 3

A lot of church members who are singing “Standing On The Promises” are just sitting on the premises. 4

We were called to be witnesses for Christ, not lawyers and modern pharisees. 5

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God – He’s going to be up all night anyway. 6

I don’t know why some people change churches – what difference does it make which one you stay home from? 7

If a Savior leaves you as you are and where you are, from what has He saved you? 7

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. 8

If your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington.” 9

To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human. 10

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. 7

1. Lowell B. Yoder, OH 2. Msgr. Joseph P. Dooley, PA 3. Rev. Robert E. Harris 4. Sister. Monique Rysavy 5. Donna Maddux Stillwater, OK 6. Donald J. Morgan 7. Rev. Denny Brake 8. Oliver Wendell Holmes, 9. Anonymous 10. John Nadeau