WARNING: Sense of Humor Required
Windows 95/98 – “A 32 bit extension and graphical shell, for a 16 bit patch
to an 8 bit operating system, originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor,
written by a 2 bit company, that can’t stand 1 bit of competition.”
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become
obsolete.
MS-DOS /M-S-dos/ n. [MicroSoft Disk Operating System] A clone of CP/M for
the 8088 crufted together in 6 weeks by hacker Tim Paterson at Seattle
Computer Products, who called the original QDOS (Quick and Dirty Operating
System) and is said to have regretted it ever since. Microsoft licensed QDOS
order to have something to demo for IBM on time, and the rest is history. /
Source: http://www.ccil.org/jargon/jargon.html /
Blue Screen of Death n. [common] This term is closely related to the older
Black Screen of Death but much more common (many non-hackers have picked it
up). Due to the extreme fragility and bugginess of Microsoft Windows
(3.1/95/NT versions), misbehaving applications can crash the OS. The Blue
Screen of Death, sometimes decorated with hex error codes, is what you get
when this happens. (Commonly abbreviated BSOD.) / Source:
http://www.ccil.org/jargon/jargon.html /
GUI (pronounced gooey) – What your computer becomes after spilling your
coffee on it.
ESO – Equipment Superior to Operator.
GIGO – Garbage In, Garbage Out.
PEBKAC – Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Computer.
What does 95 mean in Windows 95 ?
The number of times it will crash per hour.
The number of seconds before it crashes.
The number of floppy disks it will ship on.
The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
The least number of megabytes needed for installation
The number of Fast Installation Help pages in the manual
The number of hours needed to install it
The percentage of existing Windows programs that won’t run under Windows 95
The number of calls to Micro$oft’s support hot line, before you manage to
run it
The number of people who really buy it
The number of people who believe it will ship on time
The number of people who actually paid for the upgrade
The year, it was supposed to be released
The number of zeros on the end of Bill Gate’s paycheck
How about the number 3.11 in Windows 3.11 ? It will delete 11 megabytes
within 3 minutes.
Common Error messages:
DOS Error #01: Windows loading, come back tomorrow
DOS Error #02: Windows loaded. System in danger.
DOS Error #03: Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance
DOS Error #04: Out of disk space. Delete Windows? (Y)es (H)ell yes!
Windows Error #01: No error… …yet.
Windows Error #02: Multitasking attempted. System confused.
Windows Error #03: Unexplained error.
Windows Error #04: Reserved for future mistakes
Windows Error #05: Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.
Windows Error #06: Unable to exit windows. Try the door.
Windows Error #07: Door locked. Try control-alt-delete
Windows Error #08: Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.
Windows Error #09: Mouse not found. Press mouse button to continue.
Windows Error #10: Game Over. Exiting Windows.
Windows Error #11: Insufficient money spent in hardware.
Windows Error #12: Too many disks in drive
Windows Error #13 – Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
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