– You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

– You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

– You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

– The Blue Book lists your car under “Health Risk.”

– The only thing holding your bumper on is the “Dukakis/Bentsen ’88” sticker.

– You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

– Evel Kenievel refuses a free lift.

– The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

– The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.