” God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the

good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the

difference. Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve

discovered.

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO-My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR-Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

FOUR-Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

FIVE-All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX-If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN-It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT-Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

TEN-Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN-Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE-It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

THIRTEEN-The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re

in the bathroom. FOURTEEN-If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have

put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN-When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to

play chess?

SIXTEEN-It’s not hard to meet expenses … they’re everywhere.

SEVENTEEN-The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN-These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the

hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m

hereafter.

NINETEEN- I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU.