A man phones the local hospital and yells: “You’ve got to send help! My wife’s in labour!”

Nurse: “Calm down. Is this her first child?”

Him: “No! This is her husband!”

~~~

Q. Why is television called a medium?

A. It is neither rare nor well-done.

To tell the weather: Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

~~~

“You’re a high-priced lawyer. If I give you 10,000 francs, will you answer two questions for me?”

“Certainly! What’s the second question?”

~~~