Redneck Medical Terms:

Benign…………………….What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria………………….Back door to cafeteria.

Barium……………………What you do with dead folks.

Caesarean Section…..A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan………………….Searching for the cat.

Cauterize………………..Made eye contact with her.

Colic……………………….A sheep dog.

Coma……………………..A punctuation mark.

D&C……………………….Where Washington is.

Dilate……………………..To live longer than your kids do.

Enema……………………Not a friend.

Fester…………………….Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………………….A small lie.

G.I.Series………………World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail………………..What you hang your coat on.

Hospital…………………The biggest building in town, other than Joe’s feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Impotent………………..Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain…………….Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff…………A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.

Morbid………………….A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates…………………Cheaper than day rates.

Node…………………….I knew it.

Outpatient……………..A person who has fainted.

Operative………………A letter carrier.

Recovery Room…. ..Place to do upholstery.

Seizure…………………Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean

Tablet……………………A small table to change babies on.

Terminal Illness……..Getting sick at the train station.

Tumor……………………More than one.

Varicose……………….Near by