Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing this:

Thank you for calling My Father’s House.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests

Press 2 for Thanksgiving

Press 3 for Complaints

Press 4 for All Other Inquiries

I am sorry, all of our angels are busy helping others right now.

However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received, so please stay on the line.

God – press 1

Jesus – press 2

The Holy Spirit – press 3

Another Higher Being – press 4

If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 4.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven: press 5. Enter his or her Social Security number, then press the pound key. If you get a negative response, try area code 666.

For nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.

If you need emergency assistance dial

1(900) GOD-WHY ME (this is a toll call)