There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, “I don’t hear anything.” The mental patient said, “Yeah, I know. It’s been like that for months!”

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The Sunday school teacher asked, “Now, Johnny, tell me, do you say prayers before eating?”

“No maam,” he replied…”We don’t have to. My mom is a good cook!”

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A Jewish guy is riding in a cab when they see a guy kicking a woman who’s lying on the sidewalk.

The cabbie zooms over, jumps out, and runs to help the lady.

The Jewish guy rolls down the window, and starts yelling, “Stop it! Stop it!”

The cabbie looks back at the Jewish guy and says, “I am trying to stop it.”

And the Jewish guy replies, “I meant stop the meter!”

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Morris, a city boy moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.

Morris: “Well, then, just give me my money back.”

Farmer: “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Morris: “OK, then. Just unload the dead donkey.”

Farmer: “What ya gonna do with him?”

Morris: “I’m going to raffle him off.”

Farmer: “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

Morris: “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked, “Whatever happened with that dead donkey ?”

Morris: “I raffled him off. I sold 500 hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”

Farmer: “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Morris: “Just the guy who won…. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

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