The following are from actual Church Bulletins – announcements that were misspelled due to typos, or Public Announcements that were just badly put together in the first place.

* Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

* Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

*The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy.”

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. Prayer and medication to follow.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

* The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance

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