You wake up face down in the gutter

You put your underwear on backwards – and it fits better

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold

A Sixty Minutes crew is waiting on your doorstep

Your birthday cake collapses under the weight of the candles

You turn on the news, and they’re showing all emergency routes out of town

Your twin sister forgot your birthday

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels along a deserted country road

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture

You check in with your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business

Your tax refund cheque bounces

You put both contact lenses in the same eye

Your pet rock snarls at you