On a plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

At a towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

In a podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

At a car dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At the electric company: “We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t you will be.”

In a restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”