… Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.

… You have to hitch hike to the bank to make your car payment.

… Your suggestion box starts ticking.

… Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

… You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

… You see the captain running toward the railing wearing a life jacket.

… They pay your wages out of petty cash.

… The moths in your money belt starve to death.

… You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had.

… You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.

… Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of the vacation budget.

… The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.

… People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.

… Your wife starts charging you rent.

… A black cat crosses your path and drops dead.

… You take an assertiveness training course and you’re afraid to tell your wife.

… You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.

… The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

… Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.

… There are two elephants, two giraffes, and two zebras in your yard and your next door neighbour is building an ark.

… The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm.

… The pest exterminator crawls under your house and never comes out.

… A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail marked null and void.