“Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

a.. To lie about why your child is absent, press 1

b.. To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, press 2

c.. To complain about what we do, press 3

d.. To swear at staff members, press 4

e.. To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, press 5

f.. If you want us to raise your child, press 6

g.. If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, press 7

h.. To request another teacher for the third time this year, press 8

i.. To complain about bus transportation, press 9

j.. To complain about school lunches, press 0

k.. If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework, and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your children’s lack of effort . . . hang up and have a nice day!”