The Rev Billy Graham tells the story of the time when he arrived in a small town to preach. Wanting to post a letter, he asked a small boy where the Post Office. When the boy told him, Graham thanked him and said: “If you come to church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.” “I don’t think I’ll bother,” the boy said, “You don’t even know your way to the Post Office.”

A bishop was astonished to hear a little girl say that you had to be brave to go to church. “Why do you say that?” he asked. “well, I heard my uncle tell my aunt last Sunday that there was a canon in the pulpit, the choir murdered the anthem and the organist drowned the choir.

Seen on a church notice board: When you were born your mother brought you here.

When you were married, your partner brought you here.

When you die your friends will bring you her

Why not try coming on your own sometimes?

Definition of a committee: A committee is a collection of the unfit chosen from amongst the

Unwilling by the incompetent to do the unnecessary

In Swansea, Wales, there is a well known firm of solicitors, W.G.Christian And Sons. A letter was sent to them from overseas, addressed simply: W.G.Christian, South Wales.

It eventually arrived at their office with a note from the Post Office which read:

“No Christians in Cardiff – try Swansea.”

From a church bulletin: We are delighted to report that the choir raised $120 for the building fund during their recent sponsored sing. This included $10 not to do it again.

Definition of a committee: A committee is a dark avenue down which good ideas are lured and quietly strangled.

A tourist’s observation of Heaven and Hell: Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and the whole thing organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it is all organized by the Italians.

A former chorister was asked why she had given up singing in the church choir. “I was absent one Sunday,” she replied, “and somebody asked if the organ had been mended.”

The choir was practicing the anthem. The choirmaster said to the trebles, “Now don’t forget, when the tenors reach THE GATES OF HELL, you come in.”

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