Plumbers: “We repair what your husband fixed.” “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

A non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

A maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

A tyre shop: “Invite us to your next blowout.”

An optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

A podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”

Pizza shop slogans: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.” “Buy our pizza. We knead the dough.”

Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

A veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

A gynaecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

The electric company: “We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

A plastic surgeon’s office: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”

A restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”

And a sign at a radiator shop: “Best place in town to take a leak.”

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