When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.

The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, “It’s okay. That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway”.

=============================

I had a terrifying nightmare last night.

I dreamt I was the only person in the country who had NOT blocked the tele-marketers ……. and they all called me. ____________

I’m well aware that my youth has been spent, That my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went,

But I smile with glee when I think with a grin, Of all the fine places my get-up has been. ____________

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned and then eats in the yard.

=============================

AN AMERICAN IN ENGLAND…..

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

“You must mean the lift,” he said.

“No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”

“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call them lifts”.

“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”

“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England invented the language.”

=============================

LOST & FOUND…..

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. “We’re required to inventory lost wallets and purses,” he explained. “I think you’ll find everything there.”

As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, “I hope you don’t mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we’d like to see just how you do it.”

=============================

An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. “Yumti-Bi,” he said, “you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here.”

Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground… “Heap large war party,” he says, “maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint… many many guns. Medicine man also with them.”

“Good grief!” exclaims the General, “you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???”

“No, General,” replied the Indian, “I can see under the gate…”

=============================

http://www.geocities.com/jhmaida/reade1.html

A free useful resource to learn more about computers: http://www.resource-a-day.net/member/login.cgi?jhmaida

Check out this Mall: http://www.iShopInt.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline

Can you market this service? http://jhmaida.juvio.com

=============================