He who laughs last, thinks slowest

A day without sunshine is like, well, night

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory

Seen it all, done it all. Can’t remember most of it

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe

He’s not dead. He’s electroencephalographically challenged

She’s always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the “June flower.”

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Honk if you love peace and quiet

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool

It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.