From our clergy/leaders’ mail-list. Join us for
more…

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An Australian Baptist pastor emailed me saying he’d
just resigned, and didn’t know where he and his family were going
from here. Here is a note I wrote him. Perhaps you could pass
it on to an ex-pastor you know…

Dear pastor/friend-in-transition,

Thanks for your email. I woke this morning praying
for you, and thought I’d send you a few bits of wisdom/experience
from my counseling of people in your situation.

1. About 50% of all who are ordained to pastoral
ministry will not see out that vocation until retirement. (A generation
ago we came to terms with this phenomenon in cross-cultural missions).
So you’re not alone. If you’re like the majority of exiting pastors,
your feelings range from devastation, to rage, to bitter disappointment,
maybe even despair. You gave up so much to be trained for this
vocation, but now…

2. John Mark Ministries’ research shows that most
pastors leave parish ministry in a context of conflict – with
others who have some sort of power in the local church or denomination.
It’s tough pastoring in these changing and demanding times, and
lots of parishioners are getting cranky when ‘my needs aren’t
met’ in church.

3. Babyboomers (born after 1946) and Babybusters
(1960+) have been conditioned, I believe, to bring their consumer/TV
culture to church: they expect value for their input of time/money/effort.
And they’ll readily swap churches if they don’t like the one they’re
in. Which is hard for pastors.

4. Re TV: every public figure (including preachers/pastors)
now competes with media communicators: and that’s not fair! We
don’t have their flair/creativity/charimsa or ability to think
on our feet. But our parishioners are watching 20 hours of TV
every week, and come to church expecting brilliant music, relevant
and interesting communication, marvelous organization, and proactive
leadership.

5. Then there’s the feedback/accountability question.
Pastors can no longer get away with being ‘six days invisible
and the seventh incomprehensible’. People now expect you to be
open with them about your priorities, time schedules etc.

6. Which doesn’t mean pastors have to tailor their
ministries to everyone’s expectations: you simply have to explain
more these days, and hopefully negotiate a ministry-style consonant
with the expectations of your people.

7. However, you’re now in transition out of parish
ministry. My main word to you is: ‘There’s life after pastoral
ministry!’ A high proportion of ex-pastors, one year later, say
things like: ‘The phone sometimes doesn’t ring for nights in a
row: it’s eerie!’ ‘I can now have predictable time with my spouse/family!’
‘Hey, I’m not attending irrelevant committee meetings anymore!’

8. Some wonder whether they should ever have entered
pastoral ministry in the first place. Others want desperately
to find another pastoral appointment. Some believe they should
have a ‘sabbatical’ between periods of pastoring. Others want
a break, and are fearful they’ll never get back into the system
again. Some are very angry that they didn’t get the right feedback
when they messed things up. (Others don’t know – or want to know
– that they messed things up!)

9. A bishop once told me: ‘Most clergy who leave
have shot themselves in the foot!’ ‘With due respect,’ I responded
(which is how you disagree with a bishop!), ‘some were shot in
the back; others from the front; others were caught in the cross-fire
between warring groups in the church; and if we are to continue
the war analogy, some collapsed on the field of battle from exhaustion;
others were in the wrong division; and some should never have
been enlisted…!’

10. That’s enough for now. Where to from here? First,
have a good rest. Find a spiritual director/counselor with whom
to debrief honestly and thoroughly. Read a few novels. Watch some
good movies (try ‘Multiplicity’ and ‘Phenomenon’ for starters).
When you’re ready (it may take a month or more) learn some new
skills, hobbies, etc. Play around on the Internet! Be willing
to cry if you feel like it. But as Winston Churchill said in his
second most famous speech: ‘Boys, never ever ever ever give up!’
Again: there’s life after ministry. Failing’s good: you can learn
so much in that experience (but never ever call yourself a ‘failure’!).

God bless you. Our questionnaire has helped others
wrestle with about 80 variables associated with leaving parish
ministry: write/ email me if you’d like one. You’re in my prayers.

Rowland Croucher