Clergy/Leaders’ Mail-list No. 1-180 (General)

WORK AT GROUND ZERO

by Toby Nelson

[Yesterday] I spent hours at Ground Zero, or as Archbishop Egan of NY calls it, Ground Hero. This was my fourth day helping as a volunteer Chaplain. As I walked the many blocks from Penn Station toward Pier 95, the new site for families to register their missing and search the rosters, I asked a Police Chief in a Squad car if he could drive me the remaining distance. He agreed but told me that he and two other officers were first headed to the World Trade Center. After a few minutes of creeping along and then speeding as fast as the sound of sirens, I was providentially escorted through Police and military security barriers to The Site, or Ground Zero.

I was sent to an Evidence Room to be fitted with a breathing mask and hard hat. While being fitted I stood among piles of torn shirts, shredded dresses, and dirty suit jackets riped from victims in the blast. The mask help filter the smell of acrid plastic, toxic fumes, and burnt flesh that made the stomach wrench. Behind such protective gear, it is hard to recognize an otherwise familiar face. But, wearing a clergy collar signaled my role as someone with whom the police, firefighters, and many volunteers could process their scattered thoughts, anxious feelings, and traumatizing experiences.

In between spontaneous comfort and counseling sessions, one could see the enormity of this disaster. TV images and words fail to capture what I saw. Before me lay what used to be the 1300 foot twin towers, but is now in a densely packed mound 80 feet tall and 4 city blocks around. In one section, large Tonka Toy-like cranes pulled and tugged at twisted I-beam steel girders reluctant to let go of other spaghetti layered wreckage. These hardened steel beams that once lifted over 2 million tons of sheet rock, copy machines, desks, and souls of the assumed dead, were no match for the destructive forces of brilliant, bold, and creative evil. From a spiritual perspective, the cultural god of materialism was now reduced to a humiliating monument of debris.

On every side of Ground Zero stood art deco bowed skyscrapers suffering enormous collateral damage. Thousands of guaranteed shatter proof windows showed no mercy to workers at their desks. Crisp corners on formerly proud buildings were now gouged, curved, missing, and looked tentative. Every remaining surface was coated with pulverized cement and sheet rock dust. The tint of blue cast an otherworld all around. The area looked like bombed and gutted buildings in World War II German cities.

One conversation with a firefighter characterized many paradoxical outbursts of complaints and confessions: “Why would a loving God allow this to happen?” Together, we were pondering mysteries that could not be fully answered. And like so many others, he asked, “Pray for me to find God. I haven’t been in church in along time, but I believe . . . .”

One attractive 30 year old woman searching for her husband of less than a year pleaded, “How could people do these evil things and kill so many innocent people?” Tears in her desperate eyes and convulsing body begged for answers about the problem of suffering.

A father named Harris from the Caribbean who was visiting his 36 year old son told me about the phone call he got on Tuesday morning from his son. From the 86th floor, the 6 foot 2 inch son called saying, “Dad, I think I’m in trouble.” Trapped by flames spreading from lower floors, Fitzroy told his mother, “You’re going to be okay . . . .” The line went dead as his parents witnessed their son’s building collapse. “I know he’s gone,” sighed the resigned father, “but I have to stay here until I find my son.”

Harris placed a flyer with a picture of his handsome son on what I nicknamed, The Wall of the Missing, among thousands of other flyers. As I stared into the pictures of the missing, the faces look just like you or me, or just like my 28 year old son, Erik, or my sister, Leslie. I was struck by how fresh, alive, and accomplished these people looked. Patterns among the flyers begin to emerge. Most of the victims were young (20 to 40 something). Those above the 70th floor didn’t seem to have a chance either because of the fires below, or because there would just not be enough time allowed them to physically descend 2000 steps before the collapse.

I was certified as a Chaplain to comfort and counsel the families of the missing. Their pain level is unlike anything I have witnessed in 28 years of ministry. I have dealt with my share of tragedies and disasters, but nothing compares or has prepared me for the inconsolable despair these families are expressing. Their loss of a loved one by the hands of consummate evil prompted extreme mixtures of anxiety, despair, denial, hope, fear, anger . . . all at the same time and for long periods of time.

The ministry we are being asked to do as Chaplains is to listen, absorb their chaotic feelings, offer to pray with them for God to give comfort, and to help them get information on their loved one. I did not have one person find their missing on any list. Not knowing, maybe for months or ever, leaves families with a haunting void.

After half an hour to an hour conversation, I would then be assigned another family, then another. . . Every 4 hours, the chaplains are gathered up in a room to debrief with their worst story, release their feelings of trauma, and to comfort each other. I couldn’t tell the difference between a Baptist, Catholic, or Presbyterian clergy. Jewish clergy wore traditional caps. I feel deeply honored to do a ministry of heaven in hell.

Last night I got home at 2 AM and couldn’t sleep. The surreal images of Ground Zero swirled in my mind as ghostly montages. The frustration of not being able to give tidy, prepackaged answers to eternal questions stimulated a sense of helplessness, and after viewing those hundreds of pictures that looked like you or me, I found myself experiencing a vague survivor’s guilt. I remembered the picture of a missing black pastor, and having been in the World Trade Center on other Tuesdays, I wondered, why his picture and not mine? The memory of faces and stories raced around in my head, refusing to settle into pre-made pigeon holes. There is little in my past experiences that allow me places to fit this calamity.

Still having duties as a full time pastor, my congregation is evidencing their own stress, anxieties, and fears. When I am not in Manhattan, I am contacting members to help them process their thoughts and feelings. Many in our congregation have offices or regular appointments at the World Trade Center and some were scheduled to be there and were actually on their way. Being within easy commute distance, many people have a missing friends. 500 – 600 people in our county are listed among the missing. We also have two American Airline captains who easily could have been flying the planes that crashed; their families are traumatized and reluctant to see them return to work.

Finding the work at Pier 95 and Ground Zero emotionally overwhelming, physically exhausting, spiritually draining, and so I discipline myself to go back in only every other day. I need to back away for a day to rest, regain my equilibrium, and pastor my first flock before I go back.

Many are anxious to help in the emergency effort. But I remind the people that there are no less desperate needs at home with little old ladies needing comfort, single mothers needing support, and young people needing discipling.

Pastors and Christian leaders are back in vogue as people search for realities that work and cannot be destroyed. As I would walk in New York streets, many individuals and clusters of people would cry out from the other side of the street, “Pray for me!” I would shout back, “The Lord is with you!”

I see people here swiftly turning from the gods of materialism and radical individualism to two other gods: the god of patriotism, which has a limited shelf life, or to the One True Living God. This is a God-given time to share good news. Pastors will be strategic in helping congregations understand what has happened from God’s perspective.

Last Tuesday I was training our leadership to rise up in ministering to the people. In sharing these excerpts from the training I gave my Elders with you, it is my hope that a thought or two might be helpful in your own Elder training regarding their role as shepherds at this time.

– Elders are to listen and absorb the aberrant statements from people. For example, a respected man in a small group I started Sunday night blurted out, “I want to kill every one of those b—— s. Kill them all and let God sort out the good from the bad.” Another leader in our congregation said she is having a deep hatred for all Arabs. Elders, don’t react to these type of statements with shoulds and shouldn’ts (i.e.: “you shouldn’t say those things, or you should feel compassion for them”). Instead, listen and absorb their anger, frustration, and revengeful statements.

– Acknowledge their statements with: “I can understand how you feel that way,” or, “I hear what you are saying.” With these statements you are acknowledging and recognizing them without agreeing with them. In other words, don’t put them down, correct them, or shame them. If you do correct them, you will only stimulate rebellion and conflict in the other person.

– Remind the Elders that through the voice of the congregation, God has raised them up for such a time as this. The people in the congregation are looking to the Elders for leadership and models of Christian responses. Therefore, their role is to be Elders first, Americans second. Yes, we are to be outstanding citizens and supportive of our government, but our agenda is different than the government’s. God has given the government responsibilities to protect and defend it’s citizens, but the agenda of the church and it’s Elders are different. Our leader is Jesus Christ, not President Bush. As favorable as we might feel toward our President, and let’s pray for him, our first leader is Christ. Christ sets the agenda for us.

– Toward that end, how would Christ direct us as leaders in the church? While many statements of Jesus stand out, certainly Matthew 5.44 and Luke 6.27-31 sets a standard of behavior: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stomp him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

– Elders, this standard is humanly impossible. You need to submit to the transforming work of the Holy Spirit to make this directive of Jesus a natural part of your life. You will find yourself confessing your anger, hatred, and vengeance as you grow in the grace God gives you to respond as Jesus.

– As an Elder, share where you are (not where they should be): “I heard your feelings of anger and rage. May I share what God is doing inside of me? The Lord is helping me to pray that God will change the hearts of the Osama bin Laden’s and his terrorists followers. I don’t believe we can bomb them into submission. We are fighting evil forces, which is a spiritual problem, and not just terrorists.”

– Our country is anxious, stressed, depressed, and exhausted. So Elders, watch your fatigue level. Stay rested so that you will be fresh when you have these intense conversations. If you feel yourself getting grumpy, back off, and go take a nap. Give room for people’s stress to come out sideways. Be unflappable around people. Don’t spread the anxiety; recognize that it is contagious. Instead, focus on faith, hope, and love.

– Whenever you Elders feel helpless, let that serve as a signal to look at the people around your office or home who need help. Don’t be frustrated that you can’t be a rescue worker in New York.

– Continue to encourage and build up each other. Debrief with me or a fellow Elder, but try not to unburden onto the sheep. Remember, you are shepherds in a traumatized flock.

– We need to stick with the basics of the faith: prayer, small groups for support, proclamation of the Word, worship of the One who gives security, stimulates faith, stirs hope, and empowers us to love.

– Remember the Great Commandment and the Great Commission.

– Finally, monitor your TV viewing of the disaster so that you don’t allow yourself to become traumatized unnecessarily. Yes, keep the newspaper in one hand, but make sure you keep the Bible in the other.

Toby Nelson