by Jon Walker

There was something God wanted me to confess to Rick Warren, but I was doing my best to avoid it. Rick and I had spent the better part of an afternoon together, and as the day came to a close, I started thinking I was off the hook.

We’d just wrapped the recording of a Leadership Lifter, 40 Ways to Increase Your Baptisms, and I thought we were about to leave the studio, when Rick said he wanted to record on a second subject, What to Do When a Staff Member Has a Moral Failure.

It was a particularly ironic moment because the thing God wanted me to tell Rick dealt with my own moral failure regarding Internet pornography. All day I’d been stuffing the sense of conviction, but now the pressure from the Holy Spirit was unbearable as I sat in the studio helping Rick record a message that pleaded for staff members to come clean and not allow hidden sin to destroy their ministries.

Yet, as we were packing up, I still argued with God: “Do you really want me to tell him? I promise I will never do it again if you don’t make me do this!”

“Oh, too bad, we’re out of time God, and Rick’s got to go!”

Just as I was thinking that, Rick picked up his cell phone and called his wife, Kay. He spontaneously told her he wanted to take me to dinner and asked if it would be okay to come home later. At that point I caved to conviction. I knew I had to tell Rick, and God wasn’t going to let me go until I did. So, over dinner I confessed my hidden sin.

I told him that I didn’t want to stay stuck in the pit of pornography – that I knew it could potentially destroy my life, my marriage, and my ministry. I was also deeply convicted that my disobedience in this area might one day damage part of Rick’s ministry, a ministry he’d spent a lifetime building.

I wanted out of this sinful cycle, but I needed help.

Rick immediately forgave me, and we established methods of accountability to help me stay clean (that were later formalized by my immediate supervisor, P astors.com CEO Bucky Rosenbaum).

I can’t tell you the relief that I felt that night. Plus, knowing that I would have to report to Rick about my progress became a strong deterrent against slipping back into this sexual sin.

I’m confessing this to you today because I want you to know you’re not alone. A few weeks ago, we conducted a confidential survey on Pastors.com and the results suggest that a significant portion of you might struggle with Internet pornography. It’s a problem rampant within the church and among church leadership.

If you’re like me, you probably would never buy pornographic material, but the ease and dubious privacy of Internet pornography sucked me in quicker and deeper than I ever thought possible.

If you’re struggling in this area, ultimately it will have to be Christ in you who changes your desires from the inside out. He does this through his compelling love that makes you not want to succumb to temptation.

But I believe Christ working through you includes two very practical steps you must take as God delivers you from this sin:

1. You must confess it to someone. I went for a while thinking I could handle it on my own. Frankly, who wants to admit this kind of sin? With my years of experience in ministry and my seminary degree, I thought I could figure a way out of this one.

But I kept falling into a cycle of despair – perhaps you’re familiar with it? Falling on my face before God, I’d swear I’d never do it again. But then I’d convince myself that one last time wouldn’t hurt, and quickly I’d be stuck right back in the briar patch of pornography that plagues the World Wide Web.

I wasn’t smart enough to avoid Internet pornography all together, but I was seasoned enough to know I needed help to get out of the quicksand. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows, and what you do in the dark will one day be shouted from the rooftops.

Confessing strips the sin of its power. The Bible clearly teaches that as long as your sins stay in darkness, they have an inordinate power over you. I bear witness to the fact that bringing your problem with pornography into the light will actually diminish its grip on you.

Understand me clearly – I’m not saying I no longer struggle with temptation, but now that my temptations are out in the open, the voices of the far country are easier to ignore, and since my sin has already been exposed, confessed and forgiven, I don’t have to worry about maintaining a reputation rather than asking for help.

There’s a second reason to confess: it’s the first step toward being healed from this sinful behavior. James 5:16 says, Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed . (NIV).

2. You must make yourself accountable to someone. Confessing it does not mean you’ll be free forever from more temptation, and that’s why you have to establish an accountability partner. There are a variety of ways you can be accountable: one-on-one, a small prayer group, your boss, your wife, putting limits on your computer.

I use all of the methods above, and I would encourage you to do that, too, because you want to lock yourself into good behavior until God changes your “wanter” so you no longer want to access this pornography.

When it comes to one-on-one, I tried several friends and found them to be too easy on me. My accountability partner now is a friend named Harold, who is a loving, Christian man, but a former Lieutenant in the Navy and a tough-as-nails accountability partner.

Once a month, I allow Harold to view my Internet cache so he can see what sites I’ve been visiting.

My wife is also an ally in this battle, and you need yours as well. Sherry set “locks” on my computer, and I do not know the password. This means I am blocked from most pornographic sites because my wife’s settings recognize them as such. I also – and, yes, this was embarrassing – handed my wife a list of Internet addresses for the pornographic sites I tended to visit.

She created specific blocks for them, so I can no longer access them. Once again, this eliminated a lot of my temptation. I now feel comfortable using my own computer, but nervous when I use an unprotected computer. I’m glad my wife established these blocks.

And now God has changed my desires. It didn’t happen overnight (It could: God is powerful enough), but God slowly shifted my “wanter” from this illicit desire into a desire to please him. Along the way, he showed me that my use of pornography had less to do with sex and lust and more to do with anger and the sinful attitude of entitlement.

I’ve learned that I am most vulnerable when I am tired or stressed, perhaps after a grueling week of ministry. If you’re struggling with Internet pornography, please get some help. You can’t control how people will react, but I suspect you’ll find a lot more support than you think. Your ministry is far too important to let it be destroyed by this pervasive sin.

Can you really continue to preach and teach each week while harboring this unconfessed sexual sin?

You can’t keep your true self hidden forever; before long you’ll be exposed. You can’t hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. (Luke 12:2 – Msg)

-Pastors.com-

Article by Jon Walker Pastors.com Jon Walker is the online editor at pastors.com. He can be reached through .

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