>From a pastor…

I opened up on an article in [an e-list]. The header seemed to entice: “Marriage to a minister – still a unique role”. I thought, this will be interesting. I’m afraid that by the end of the article I was still no wiser. I had hoped that some of the real issues would be tackled. Instead, they were studiously avoided.

My wife grew up in the Catholic tradition and thus had no role expectations for the wife of a “priest”. What a blessing! My Catholic brothers-in-law decided her marriage to me must make her a “mother superior” – but that was only after they’d had a few beers.

My wife is a professional person with a vocation equally demanding as mine. From time to time I attend functions connected with her work, engage in those superficial conversations with politicians, bishops and CEOs, take her work colleagues out to lunch, etc, etc. Come to think of it, she does the same with me.

So what is the role of the Minister’s spouse envisioned by this group? Is it some rear-guard clinging to a notion from the 1950s? A more modern one in view of the changing circumstances in life? A studious avoiding of such questions only arouses suspicion.

My response:

As someone who has to answer this question each week professionally, (and who is half of a clergy couple) the short answer is: she has a vocation, you have one and because you’re married you’ll share each other’s vocational ‘extra-curricular’ responsibilities from time to time. But in terms of the church (I take it you’re a parish minister) her role is what everyone else’s is, if she’s a member – it’s defined by her gifts and availability for whatever ministry she might perform, not by her role/status as your wife (despite precedents and history and impossible expectations, particularly from older members of the congregation)…

We’ve put together a website on all this – see http://priscillasfriends.org/

Shalom! Rowland Croucher