Humor
Back In Office
When I became a licensed chiropractor, I moved back to my hometown and soon had a thriving practice. One morning I saw a new patient whom I recognized as my old high-school principal. “Wow,” I said nervously, “I’m a little surprised to see you here.” “Why?” he replied. “You certainly spent a great deal of […]
Gravity Situation
I saw a report recently, about how gravity, which is a non-renewable resource, is gradually diminishing. Top scientists agree, “With the present rate of consumption, the earth’s supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 22nd century.” say several prominent physicists. “There is a direct link between the vanishing of the ozone layer and the […]
Fuel Trudge
After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn’t start because it was out of gas. A passerby told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I […]
Green Side Up
Green Side Up! A painting cotractor was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled “GREEN SIDE UP.” They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. […]
Katlick
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn’t get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn’t go to Sunday School. So, they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One said, “We need to be baptized because no one will come out […]
Power of Government
Pythagorean theorem : 24 Words The Lord’s Prayer : 66 Words Archimedes’ Principle : 67 Words The 10 Commandments : 179 Words The Gettysburg Address : 286 Words The Declaration of Independence : 1,300 Words The U. S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage : 26,911 Words (Ahhh…the power of government.)
Medical Fraud
The police recently busted a man selling ‘secret formula’ tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
11th Commandment
6 Apr 04 Methodist Church has ‘Moses moment’ (LONDON, UK – 6 Apr 04) — THE METHODIST Church and http://www.shipoffools.com today announced the winners of their 11th Commandment competition. The five entries which each won a camera phone are: * Thou shalt not worship false pop idols * Thou shalt not kill in the name […]
New Librarian
The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who […]
Life’s Truths
LIFE’S TRUTH’S I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, […]
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