Humor
Challenge
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!” Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,”Here […]
Comparisons
Now, Here’s a Thought!!Nursing Home or Holiday Inn? of a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. We’ve already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: […]
Getting older
Dear friends, It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation. When I got laid […]
World’s Ten Worst Puns
Don’t boo & hiss – I’m only forwarding these on….. 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger. 2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. […]
On the bus
A little boy was riding the city bus alone one day. “If my mommy was a mommy giraffe and my daddy was a daddy giraffe then I’d be a baby giraffe!” said the little boy. Losing his concentration, the bus driver said “Kid, can you please be quiet?” The little boy said,”If my mommy was […]
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? (Again)
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve […]
Jewish business ethics
Business Ethics I picked these up from Jewish sources, so they come to you without any fear of anti-Semitism. However, should ‘jewish’ to disagree, that’s up to you. ~~~ In a primary school maths class the teacher asked: “Isaac, what is two percent of $150 000?” Isaac replied: “I’m not interested, miss.” ~~~ A Jewish […]
How to bathe your cat…
1. THOROUGHLY CLEAN TOILET. 2. LIFT BOTH LIDS AND ADD SHAMPOO 3. FIND AND SOOTHE CAT AS YOU CARRY HIM TO BATHROOM 4. IN ONE SWIFT MOVE, PLACE CAT IN TOILET, CLOSE BOTH LIDS, AND STAND ON TOP…..SO CAT CANNOT ESCAPE. 5. THE CAT WILL SELF AGITATE AND PRODUCE AMPLE SUDS. (IGNORE RUCKUS FROM INSIDE […]
Words
(Are jokes about certain bodily parts or sex sometimes funny? Yes, sometimes, though never for ‘puritans/prudes’). Rowland. The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. Past winners: 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight […]
Consultants
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: “If I tell you exactly how many sheep […]
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