Humor
English
The English Langauge is clear enough Despite bough and cough and dough and tough Mistakes are possible, it’s true With hiccough, thorough, lough and through. Beware of heard – a tricky word That looks like beard but sounds like bird And dead – it’s said like bed not bead It’s wrong to pronounce a fellow […]
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR
Several years ago, I received the following message: “You have just received the ‘West Virginia Virus.’ As we ain’t got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thanks for your cooperation, West […]
Depends how you look at it
A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory’s incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. […]
The Perfect Man
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked,”If I gave you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?””No, I had to stop […]
Ticket Purchase
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. […]
Never Argue With A Child?
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could […]
Cute Kid
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?” And the shopkeeper bends way down and puts his hands on his knees so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and […]
Wrong Number – or was it?
Isn’t it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn’t answer the phone. The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it […]
New Year Resolutions
January 1, 2004 *Attainable New Year’s Resolutions* This year, I resolve to… – Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. – Stop exercising. Waste of time. – Read less. Makes you think. – Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff. – Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. – Spend more time at work, surfing with the […]
Confession
While on a very non-productive fishing trip one day 3 preachers began to discuss various topics to pass time. One preacher said he thought it would be nice if they confessed their biggest sins to each other and then pray for each other. They all agree and the first preacher says that his biggest sin […]
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