Humor
Holy Humor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited – until you try to get into their pew. [George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee] The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. [Mark Twain] Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to […]
Car Sale
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, “Where did you get that car???!!!” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” So the parents began […]
Grandpa’s
A man went to visit his 90 year old Grandfather. His Grandfather lived in a very remote, secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night at the house, his Grandfather prepared a breakfast of eggs and bacon. As the man was eating he noticed a film like substance on the plate, and he […]
Simple Operation
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?” “She […]
Gone To Heaven
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. “How are you feeling?” the visitor asked. “Oh,” said the lady, “I’m just worried sick!” “What are you worried about, dear?” her friend asked.”You look like you’re in good health. They are taking care of you, […]
Canada
These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck. Note, none of the questions came from Australians! Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit […]
Musical Instruments
My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, […]
Tourism
Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, “Say, is this really a healthful place?” “It sure is,” the cabby replied. “When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk […]
Letter To Pastor
A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: “FOOL.” The next Sunday he announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone […]
Eulogy
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up […]
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