Humor
Couple Of Puns
Protein: In favor of people between 13 and 20. Amin O’Acid: Ugandan Irish chemist.
Modern Lord’s Prayer
Even Newer English Bible Big Daddy-in-the-sky Your PR’s good – We’re backing you to win down here as you won up there. Please feed us and go easy on us as we go easy on those other bastards. No honey-traps – we want to stay out of trouble because you’ve been the Big Cheese always […]
Selling Bibles
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.. Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles […]
Helpful Hillbilly Sayings
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps. Mortgaging a future crop is saddling a wobbly colt. A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor. Trouble with a milk cow is she won’t stay milked. Don’t skinny dip with snapping turtles. Words that soak into […]
Vet Bills
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, Polly has passed away”. The distressed owner wailed, […]
Did I Send This To You Already. Funny, I Don’t Remember
NEW VIRUS Just got this in from a reliable source. It seems there is a virus called the “Senile Virus” that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it ….. so be warned. The virus appears to affect those of us who were born before 1950! Symptoms of the […]
Newspaper Headlines
Funny newspaper headlines: Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Include Your Children when Baking Cookies Clinton Wins […]
A Fly Story
A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school. One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the […]
Chain Letter
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M’s, (sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is “MM” in Roman Numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering […]
A Hearing Funny
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back to the doctor for a test a month later. The […]
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