Humor
Panda
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells […]
Are You Driving A Stolen Car?
I was sitting at a stop light this morning. The lady in front of me was going through papers on the seat of her car, and when the light changed to green she did not obey its command — a green light is a commandment – NOT a suggestion. When the light turned to red, […]
Inner Peace
By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace…….. It read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.” So I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished. So, today I have finished off a bottle of […]
Disorder In The Court
These are from a book called “Disorder in the Court.” These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep from laughing while these were all taking place? Judge: “Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I’ve decided to give your […]
Consultant
A shepherd was herding hs flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many […]
Biblical Q & A
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah-he was floating his stock while everyone else was liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter-she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of man was Boaz before […]
Doctor’s Orders
An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. “Can I climb stairs now?” asked the little old lady. “Yes,” he replied. “Thank goodness!” […]
Airport Security
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
Smart Kids
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day […]
Parking
A minister parked his car in a no — parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my […]
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