Humor
What If?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
More Religious Toys
Scientology: Our toys cost forty thousand dollars each (and you still get regular old toys), and we must kill all who play with the toys of other gods. Judaism – We were chosen not to have any toys. Any toys that we did have were taken away. (And your mother even made you feel guilty […]
Clean Jokes/Stories
The Confused Samaritan A man was beaten up by robbers on a road to London. He lay there, half dead and in bad shape. A Vicar came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. Next, a monk came by but also walked quickly on the other side. Finally, a social worker came […]
Dog Telegram
A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram. He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to send: “Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow.” The clerk says, “You can add another ‘Bow wow’ for the same price.” The dog responded, “Now wouldn’t that […]
God Created Man
God created the donkey and told him: you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy bags on your back, you’ll eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY! The donkey answered: I’ll be a donkey, but living 50 years is too […]
Write It Down
An 80-year-old couple was having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]
Light Bulbs (More)
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? A: I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One-third less than for a regular bulb. Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a […]
Optometrist
While working as an agricultural inspector at the Arizona state line, I found that addressing people in an informal manner relieved their nervousness and minimized problems. One day when a car with the vanity license plate “TZVECL” stopped for inspection, I approached the driver and said, “How are you, Mr. Tzvecl?” “Your pronunciation is fine,” […]
Religious Toys
Comparison of Philosophical Theories in the Late 20th Century Capitalism – He who dies with the most toys, wins. Hari Krishna – He who plays with the most toys, wins. Catholicism – He who denies himself the most toys, wins. Anglican – They were our toys first. Greek Orthodox – No, they were OURS first. […]
Charged, But Justified
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won’t believe what happened this evening. In all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it!” “What happened?” “I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was […]
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