*Reversal of Fortune* Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you. All my love, Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.
A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asked him how he was doing. “It’s going fine”, the manager said, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately […]
I was faced with a difficult decision recently and asked my friends what I should do. This is what I got… Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts. Look before you leap. He […]
Blest Be the Guy Who Tithes (NOT!) (Lyrics Copyright 2003 – Jack E. Helser, Jr. – All Rights Reserved) Blest be the guy that tithes His tenth in fiscal love And if he doth hold back so much as one dime He’s robbing from God above Before the minister’s throne We empty our pocket books […]
At a recent convention of the American Psychiatric Association, the following observation was noted: “Kids who never come when they are called are good candidates for the medical profession. “Kids who show up without being called make excellent lawyers.”
THE CALL OF THE POLITICALLY CORRECT SHEPHERD TO HIS NYMPH (with apologies to Christopher Marlowe, who is a Dead White European Male and therefore unworthy of study) Come live with me and we shall be politically correct We’ll walk among the spotted owls and every rare insect We’ll not cheer for sporting teams whose names […]
John Franklin, a noted evangelist, was speaking at two different churches in a large city in the same week. A reporter was present at the first service. After the sermon the evangelist pleaded with the reporter not to publish in the local paper any of the jokes he had used that night, since he was […]
Reverend Obediah Franklin, pastor at Zion United Brethren Church, wrote a sermon on “humility,” and then filed it away. He wanted to save it until a really big occasion when he could impress a lot of people.
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. “Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?” yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and said, “What makes you think these are all mine?”
These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says “Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.” Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to […]