Humor
The Smuggler
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that ~ get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties […]
Taxi Driver
A clergy dies and, resplendent in clerical collar and colorful robes, is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you […]
Rednecks
You might be a red neck if…… You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this!” You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’ Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. The value of your truck goes up and down, depending […]
Little Read Riding Hood (Politically Correct Version)
Little Red Riding Hood There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture […]
Engage Brain Before Speaking
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the World, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff. – Mariah Carey, pop singer Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I […]
A Lawyer Named Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]
Hidden Bible Books
“Here’s a little change of pace. There are 16 books of the Bible hidden in the following paragraph. All read left to right. No cheating, now! Good luck. “I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible – it was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts, but for others […]
Chocolate Almonds
A priest decides one day to visit one of his elderly parishoners, Mrs. Smith. He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears. “Good day, Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing.” “Oh just fine Father, come on in, and we’ll have some tea.” While sitting a […]
Pun
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” “That it is,” Mike replied […]
Stay There
A man who has recently separated from his wife gets drunk one night in the dead of winter, staggers to their house and starts pounding on the door. After about 15 minutes, she opens an upstairs window and asks what he wants. “Honey, I’m half frozen,” he calls up to her. “Can’t I stay here […]
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