Humor
Comic Books
(From a Usenet Humour group – so don’t blame me 🙂 I’ve been desperately short of stuff to do recently, hence the fact that I’ve been sitting down the library reading all the comic books (rather than actually go out and find some work!). Having exhausted Wonder Woman (not literally, unfortunately) I turned to “The […]
Spell-checker poem
Chicago Tribune Published March 5, 2004 Anonymous steps forward for attribution One of the best-read writers in the world is someone named “Anonymous,” a.k.a. “Unknown.” Last week, I printed one of Anon’s finer pieces, which had been sent to me separately by two Tribune readers under two different titles. The versions varied slightly, but both […]
6 people you meet in a prayer circle
6 people you meet in a prayer circle: 1. The Almost-er This is the person sitting near you that is constantly on the verge of praying. You can hear them doing that little breath thing, that little exhale before you are about to speak. And you can hear it because it’s loud in the deafening […]
Police response
Policeman’s reply to the bloke who asked what he should do with the receipt that he’d just received for paying a speeding fine: “Keep it, because after ten of these we give you a bike!”
Teachers’ and Police Humor
These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, some of these are really funny! 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. […]
Bumper Stickers
Bumper stickers to muse over… If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You Forget World Peace — Visualise Turning Off Your Turn Signal! HANG UP AND DRIVE! Where There’s A Will…I Want To Be In It! Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again? This Would Be Really […]
Talking Dog
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice […]
Riddles etc.
Employee: My wife says I should ask you for a raise. Employer: I’ll ask my wife if I can give you one. *** Why did the farmer receive an award ? Because he was outstanding in his field! *** Grandma: Were you a good girl at church today missy? Missy : Yes I was. When […]
Puns for the Educated
Puns, For the Educated Mind ————————- 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whisky maker, […]
Housework – fridge magnets
“Dull women have immaculate houses” “A mind is a terrible thing to waste on housework”
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