Humor
Two Types of Genius :-)
TWO TYPES OF GENIUS (one a little more expensive than the other): A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube of toothpaste inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled all of […]
Useless Information
… Because it must be known A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly […]
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.” If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all […]
Smile!
A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, “I love you.” The husband says, “Is that you or the wine talking?” The wife replies, “It’s me, talking to the wine.” ================= A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” The next day he received a hundred letters. They all […]
Two tests of intelligence
1. The ambiguity effect: Jack is looking at Anne but Anne is looking at George. Jack is married but George is not. Is a married person looking at an unmarried person? Possible answers are “yes”, “no”, or “cannot be determined”. The vast majority of people will say “cannot be determined”, simply because it is the […]
Some (pathetic) humor
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PUPILS: A teacher. =============== A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. “No,” the doctor said. “I did not check […]
Humor: Wise Sayings :-)
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible – George Burns <><> Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge <><> Be careful about reading health books. You may die […]
Daffynitions :-)
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. […]
Smile (c’mon… :-)
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. ¢â‚¬Å“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? ¢â‚¬ he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. ¢â‚¬Å“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais? ¢â‚¬ he tries. The two continue to stare. ¢â‚¬Å“Parlare Italiano? ¢â‚¬ No response. ¢â‚¬Å“Hablan ustedes Espanol? ¢â‚¬ Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives […]
And while we’re talking about weather… :-)
Remember those moments in cartoons when a hapless soul is cursed with their own private rain cloud? Read this week of a new exhibition in London which promises precisely the opposite: a 93-square-metre room which is filled with artificial rain, but you have your own 1.5-metre circle of dryness following you everywhere!!! Given Londoners’ relationship […]
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