Humor
Colonoscopy Humour
[A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.] 1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.” 2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?” 3. “Can you hear me NOW?” 4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!” 5. “Are we there yet? Are we there […]
History Stuff You Need to Know
Beer was the first trademarked product – British beer Bass Pale Ale received its trademark in 1876. Playing-cards were known in Persia and India as far back as the 12th century. A pack then consisted of 48 instead of 52 cards. Excavations from Egyptian tombs dating to 5,000 BC show that the ancient Egyptian kids […]
An Irish Pilot…
An Irish pilot coming in to land at a foreign airport – “This runway is very short, but it be very wide!”
Moving to Cornwall
At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Cornwall. After settling in, he met a neighbour who was also an older man. “Tell me” he said, my doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?” “It certainly is,” the man replied. “When I first arrived here […]
Tombstones
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour, and, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries. Some fascinating things on old tombstones! Harry Edsel Smith of St Albans Herts.: Born 1903–Died 1942. Looked up the lift shaft to see if the lift was on the way down. It was. […]
Speed Check
Speed Check — Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15,just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading […]
Epitaphs etc.
You’ve probably heard of the hypochondriac’s epitaph: ‘I told you I was sick!” And the aggressive character who had on his: “Waddya think you’re lookin’ at!” And where the epitaph poet imposed his wish on the deceased: “Underneath this pile of stones Lie the remains of Billy Jones. His name was really Smith, not Jones, […]
Writer to publisher
…Reminds me of an over-zealous writer. He sent a manuscript to a publisher, attaching a note: “Please reply soon, as I have other irons in the fire.” The publisher sent back the manuscript with a note of his own: “Please place this with your other irons.”
And the moral of the story is…
The teacher gave her class of 9 year olds an assignment: Have your Parents tell you a story with a moral at the end. The next day the children came back and one by one began to tell their stories. “Johnny, do you have a story to share?” “Yes Miss,. My daddy told a story […]
Go Somewhere Else to Die
The mayor of a village in south west France has banned residents from dying. And Gerard Lalanne has threatened “severe” punishment for anyone who disobeys. The mayor issued the unusual edict when it became clear that there was no room left in the overcrowded village graveyard in Sarpourenx in the Bordeaux region. In an ordinance […]
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