Humor
Old Age
SERENITY Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied. “Two years older than me” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is […]
Real 911 calls
Believe it or not, these are real 911 calls! Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? ********************************************************************************* Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone […]
Degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 1200 miles from here!” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife answered, “I don’t know, some woman […]
911 again
Homer J. Simpson (panic stricken): “Quick… gimme the number for 911! “
Exam
Reminds me of one of the questions from the IRA entrance examination paper … “At the 1987 National Sheep Dog Trials, how many were found guilty?”
Cat Humour
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can’t. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat […]
Women
“Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think — in a deeper voice.” – (Bill Cosby)
Payment
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago- and I still hadn’t paid for them. Hellloooo, just because I’m blonde doesn’t […]
Lie-Clock
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your […]
Stations
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.
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