Humor
Why did you die?
A man was on his knees at a grave, crying “Oh, why did you die! Why did you die! If only you had lived a long life!” A woman went up to the deeply distressed man and said sympathetically “How awful for you to be in such pain. Is it your wife?” “No, it’s my […]
Important questions/wisdom
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor….. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where […]
Bishops
Q Why does it take three bishops to ordain a new bishop? A It takes two to hold the new one, while the third takes out his backbone. Told by an Episcopal priest. ~~~
Much Loved Roses
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses. “Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.” “What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden […]
Sunday School
The Sunday School teacher was a bit surprised at a sentence Allison had put into her story about people who help us. “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” she’d written. “Do you know what the word ‘pregnant’ means?” the teacher asked. “Sure I do,” said Allison. “It means ‘carrying a child’.” . ========================== . […]
How to Listen to a Church Sermon
“How do you listen to a church sermon?” asked Jake Wally of Bristol, Tennessee. It was an innocent question coming out of Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting.Carla Boynton squinted, like she’d heard something not quite right had come out of somebody’s mouth. And Lisa Bitters removed a pack of chewing gum from her pocket, unwrapped a […]
A Slow Reader
A Slow Reader A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that […]
Cars and Cows
A wise old farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!” […]
Armed teacher arrested at airport
NEW YORK — A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believed the man was […]
Music lessons
My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing. “Oh,” she said, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.” “How come?” I asked. “Well,” my sister answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing….” . ========================== . […]
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