Humor
Choices
What’s your fruit? This is so true: please try it. In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are: a. Apple b. Banana c. Strawberry d. Peach e. Orange Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don’t rush into it. This […]
Chaplain’s rounds
The new hospital chaplain is making her first rounds. She enters one ward, and the first person says to her: “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain e’ the puddin’.race! boon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace As lang ‘s my arm.” The […]
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder For those of you who don’t get this, you will. Your day is coming………………………….. Recently I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look […]
Church Bulletin and Service Bloopers
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers: Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”. * Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and don’t know […]
First time in church
The First Time in Church A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…”
George
70-year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with God?” George replied, “God and me are tight. He […]
Don’t Step On the Ducks :-)
Three women, friends, die together in an accident, and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here: don’t step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and […]
Little Old Lady
Little Old Lady There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: “PRAISE THE LORD!” One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Everymorning he’d step onto his front porch after her […]
Dress size
King Saul: Are you really a medium? Witch of Endor: I used to be. Now I’m a large.
Letters to the Editor
Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. […]
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