Humor
Hillary
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk, she has a “question and answer” period. One little boy raises his hand and the Senator asks him for his name. “Kenneth.” “And what is your question, Kenneth?” “I have three questions: First, whatever happened to your […]
Musings
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station… * I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. * If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what genius came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”? […]
Label Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! […]
Anonymous letters
Joseph Parker one Sunday was climbing the steps into his pulpit when a lady in the balcony threw a piece of paper at him. He opened it and found just one word – “Fool!”. Parker began his sermon saying: “I have received many anonymous letters in my lifetime. Previously they have all been a text […]
Man walks into a bar…
A joke part told by Seinfeld… I had to search for the punchline A man walked into a bar with a pig under his arm and stood at the bar. The barman said: “Where did you get such a horrible smelly ugly thing like that?” And the pig said: “I won it in a raffle”.
Tapeworms on Noah’s Ark
One wrote: Every species was represented within the ark (including 10,000 known species of termites ??? Another responded: How many termites do you need to eat an ark? And another: I saw a cartoon once where one of Noah’s sons was making a complaint; “I don’t think it’s fair that I should have both the […]
Bible characters
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile […]
Two Synagogues
You old timers probably have heard this one but it was new to me. I post it for those like me. ============================= Jews consider themselves mavens (experts), however, rarely do the mavens agree: A Jew who had been shipwrecked on a deserted island for 3 years was finally reached by rescuers. Proudly, he showed them […]
Magic wand
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. “Make three wishes,” she told her mother, “and I’ll grant them.” Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure […]
Hearing problem
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a […]
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