Humor
Pets
*Self-Evident Truths About Pets* * Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. * Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. * Dogs have owners. Cats […]
Fishing
“So, what’s the matter?” asked one woman of her friend over coffee. “I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband.” “Oh, everything went wrong,” the second woman answered. “First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong […]
Long healthy life
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren […]
The Importance of Proofing
The Importance of Proofing ~ IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.” ~ It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt […]
Grandma’s Instructions
Grandma, who appeared to become an ever-more intimidating personality as the years went on, was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow […]
The Top Ten Things Not To Do At Your Child’s Performance or Sports Event
*The Top Ten Things Not To Do At Your Child’s Performance or Sports Event* 10. Try to pep up the dance recital crowd by starting “the wave.” 9. Do a halftime trampoline show. 8. With your buddies, spell out your child’s name on your chests. 7. Mimic the conductor. 6. Start a paper airplane contest […]
Bigger Piece
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more…” “Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”
Playing…
A little girl and a little boy were at day-care one day. The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey Billy, want to play house?” He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” Sally replied, “I want you to communicate your feelings.” “Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy. “I have no idea […]
Odd News Reports
Odd News Reports….. *”The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and for pets owned by senior citizens who have not been altered the fee will be $1.50.” *”Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on ‘Destructive Pests.’ A large number were present.” *”The sewer expansion project is nearing […]
Bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.” “We’re new here”, says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.” The first bat replies, “Who […]
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