Humor
Our Recipe For The Sacred Sandwich
OUR RECIPE FOR THE SACRED SANDWICH “Learn so to use Scripture that you take home to yourself all its teaching, all its precepts, all its promises, all its doctrines, for bread on the table does not nourish; it is bread that you eat that will really sustain you.” ~ C.H. Spurgeon In 1536, William Tyndale […]
Church Becomes Purpose-driven In Less Than 40 Days
CHURCH BECOMES “PURPOSE-DRIVEN” IN LESS THAN 40 DAYS! by Horace Pook, Fall 2004 In an effort to bring quicker spiritual transformation to their congregation, New Suburbia Community Church recently finished Rick Warren’s “40 Days of Purpose” in a record-breaking 30 days, according to church administrator Marla Shoop. “Our congregation lives in a fast-paced culture, and […]
Kmart Seeks Revival; Replaces Martha With Rick Warren
KMART SEEKS “REVIVAL”; REPLACES MARTHA WITH RICK WARREN by Horace Pook, January/February 2005 Fast on the heels of their impending merger with Sears, Kmart stunned the retail industry this week by announcing their plans to dump their longtime association with Martha Stewart and replace her with Rick Warren, best-selling Christian author of The Purpose-Driven Life. […]
A Christian Bigfoot?
A CHRISTIAN BIGFOOT? NEW PHOTOGRAPH CASTS DOUBT ON EXTINCTION OF BIBLE-TOTING SPECIES by J. Elmer Dinwiddie, Sacred Sandwich Reporter February 2005 — The scientific community was rocked this month when new photographic evidence was presented which appears to confirm the existence of a homonid species long considered extinct by most experts: the elusive Bible-carrying churchgoer. […]
The Meeky Awards To Honor Most Humble Christians Of 2004
THE “MEEKY” AWARDS TO HONOR MOST HUMBLE CHRISTIANS OF 2004 by Horace Pook, January 2005 January 2005 — Not to be outdone by the Dove Awards, the Purpose-Driven Church Health Awards, and the C.H. Spurgeon Awards, the Postmodern Institute of Theology (PIT) has announced their nominees for the second annual Christian Humility Awards for 2005. […]
What do you say to a telemarketer?
One netfriend wrote: Just wondering what “techniques” peole use to witness to telemarketers when they call your house. Mark’s response: Various. – As then about the weather in the country they are calling from. Get a detailed weather analysis of your local area.I’ve had telemarketers calling from teh other side of the world. – Ask […]
The Good Napkins
THE GOOD NAPKINS…ahhhhh…the joys of having kids… My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake)….. One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ‘napkins’ […]
When Aging Reality Sets In
a.. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. b.. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re getting old. Squash their toes with your rocker. c.. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. d.. Some people try to turn back […]
The Good Bird!
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful professionals and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city. The first said,”I had a big, beautiful house built for Mamma.” The second said […]
Signs
On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.” On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.” At a number of military bases: “Restricted to unauthorized personnel.” On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in […]
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