Humor
How Well Do You Remember?
How Well Do You Remember? Ask a friend to fill in the blanks. Don’t try this on anyone under 30….. THE QUESTIONS: 1.. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2.. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in; ___________.” 3.. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode […]
An artist
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy. “Really?! How do you know?” the teacher asked. “You know – ‘Our Father, who does art in Heaven. . .”
Cussing
;=] Cussing Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter “Hoover!” under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occurred and […]
Career Choices and Van Gogh
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned… couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it […]
Growing Old
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there. 4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a […]
Ramblings of a retired mind
Ramblings of a Retired Mind – – I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can’t afford one. So, I’m wearing my garage door opener. – You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway. […]
Beer turns men into women!
A laugh for you You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Europe’s annual human reproduction conference suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer […]
Lawns
“Winterize your lawn,” the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I’ve fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I’m supposed to winterize it? I hope it’s too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we’ve come up with outside of thong swimsuits! […]
Al-Gebra
:=) Al-Gebra NEW YORK (LOL) At New York’s Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he […]
Blind or Forgetful?
Old man Woodruff loved golf, but his age was making it increasingly difficult for him to play. He complained to the clubhouse man about his eyesight. “I can’t play with my glasses on because they keep falling off,” he said. “And I’m too nearsighted to play without them.” “Why don’t you play with Hughes?” the […]
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