Humor
A Woman And A Baby
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby and, checking his weight, found it somewhat below normal and asked if the baby was breastfed or bottle fed. “Breast fed,” she replied. “Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor […]
Smart Older Woman
PRETTY SMART “OLDER” WOMEN!! An older lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Older Woman: Lost […]
Talking!
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…” The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
Top Morons 2003
Top 8 Morons of 2003 AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear […]
Little Tommy Turtle
A little turtle begins to slowly climb a tree. After long hours of great effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs frantically, until he crashes heavily into the ground. After recovering consciousness he starts to climb the tree again, jumps once more, but again crashes to the ground. The […]
Teachers pet – monster
Discovering one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Levine stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that.” Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well you can’t say you […]
The Cruise
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn’t find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that […]
Find and replace
The age of the computer brings much ease and expertise to the preparation of the worship folders. Some churches which use the same basic format each week can simply call up the form on the computer screen, make a few necessary changes, and presto, it’s done. But it can be tricky. In one church I […]
Apologies
Dear Spike, I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her engagement to you. I am ashamed of myself. I don’t quite know where to begin this letter of apology. It is my sincere hope that you will bring yourself to forgive and forget what has passed between us […]
It makes sense
It makes sense. Schmidlap walks into a theatrical agent’s office, and he’s carrying a little black bag. The agent says, “Well, let’s see your act.” Schmidlap reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer. He says […]
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