Humor
Wise Children
Wise Children Five-year-old Missy answered the door when the Mailman came by. She told the Mailman that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home because he was performing an appendectomy. “My,” said the Mailman, “that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?” “Sure! Fifteen Hundred […]
Age Test
;=0 Age Test 1. Name the Beatles. _________________ _________________ _________________ _________________ 2. Finish the line: “Lions and Tigers and Bears, ________ !” 3. “Hey kids, what time is it?” _____ _____ _____ _____. 4. What do M&M’s do? ____ ____ ____ ____, ____ ____ ____ ____ 5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? _____ […]
Handy tips
(Some naughty ones removed) 1. First aid: If somebody is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. […]
Sins Eaten By Fish?
On Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year) it is customary for Jews to go to the ocean, pray, and throw bread crumbs onto the water, for the fish can symbolically eat their sins. Some people have been known to ask what kind of bread crumbs should they throw. Rabbi Dick Israel of Boston, Massachusetts has suggested […]
Sleeping on the Job
The following excuses have been suggested if you get caught sleeping on the job: “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.” “This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to.” “Whew! I must have left the top off the liquid paper.” “I […]
Great Truths…
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. 2) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person. 3) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food. 4) Don’t sneeze when someone is […]
SEEKING PRIVACY
The following humorous piece was sent to me author unknown: ATTENTION CHILDREN: The Bathroom Door is Closed. Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out. Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left […]
The Man of the House
The husband had finished his book, “Man Of The House”, by the time he reached home. He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word […]
‘Christian’ humour
Published on a couple of Usenet newsgroups: “Rowland Croucher” wrote in message . > My wife Jan, a pastor, and the best-put-together Christian woman I know, > thinks this is funny. > > Do you? > > (Careful… this is a test :-)!!! > > http://jmm.org.au/articles/12208.htm Later: Y'all passed the test! (But what about the […]
Impressing your mate
Truthful Gossip 7 Some helpful hints for modern men and women, as told to me by my mate Jimmy ‘Truthful Jones’ at the Bayview Hotel, in Melbourne, Jan 2004. How to impress your woman 1 Make her breakfast in bed 2 Give her a large bunch of roses 3 Make the bed after she has […]
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